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DEATH AND DYING
Frances Page Glascoe, Ph.D., Educational Specialist
For children under five years of age, death of a loved
one is especially hard to understand. They do not realize
that it is final. When death is compared to sleeping,
children may become fearful at bedtime. After a death,
children may become afraid that their own illness is likely
to result in death. They may think they caused it. They
may be angry with parents who they think can fix death
like a broken toy. They may fear that death will soon
separate them from their parents or that if they act "too
good," that they will go immediately to heaven. To help
children understand death and to eliminate fears:
- Talk with children, listening to them to tell if
they are developing ideas about death that are incorrect.
Continue these discussions for weeks and months following
a death.
- Read to children about death. A list of books follows.
- Assure children that they did not cause the death.
Encourage them to act out scenes with dolls so you
can better understand how they think about death.
- Avoid taking children under the age of 4 to funerals.
- Make sure that children receive assurance and attention
in the time surrounding funerals.
- Do not replace immediately pets that have died.
Have a memorial service and help children understand
the loss. It is by grieving for the loss that children
come to understand death.
- Continue the same household rules and structure
around the time of death since this helps children
feel secure.
- When a death in the family occurs after a lengthy
illness, children are likely to be angry with parents
and even express relief that a sibling or parent has
finally died. Reflect your childís feelings; be understanding
of the natural resentment of the attention that the
dying family member received. Only then will your
child be ready to grieve.
- When a child is dying, seek guidance from hospital
social workers.
Books to read to Children
- M. Wise, The Dead Bird
- S. Stein, About Dying
- J. Viorst, The Tenth Good Thing about Barney
- E. Grollman, Talking about Death: A Dialogue Between
Parent and Child
- E.B. White, Charlotteís Web
Books for Parents
- H.S. Schiff, Living Through Mourning: Finding Comfort
and Hope When a Loved One has Died, NY: Penguin, 1986.
- S.G. Weizman, and P. Kawn, About Mourning: Support
and Guidance for the Bereaved, NY Human Sciences Press,
Inc., 1987.
Updated 12/31/07 |
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