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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
Frances Page Glascoe, Ph.D., Educational Specialist
- Parents often worry that their child is "bossy",
"a loner", "doesn't get along with others", or is
"shy". Children's personalities, emotions and social
skills along with their experiences and the guidance
you give them, all have an impact on how they act
with others. So, while there are some things like
"shyness" that some children have more than others,
much social behavior is learned--mostly by imitating
parents and other children. This means that many social
and emotional skills can and should be taught. Here
are some suggestions:
- Young children depend on their parents to help them
adjust their emotions. Parents need a variety of ways
to meet children's emotional needs such as soothing
a distressed child or removing an over-excited or
overwhelmed child from an environment that is too
stimulating. Gradually, children learn to soothe and
calm their own emotions.
- It is important to encourage your child's emotional
attachments to important people in his life including
teachers, baby sitters and nannies. While as a parent
you may be jealous of these relationships, they are
important for your child. Too many different teachers
and baby sitters causes your child to become detached.
So, if possible, chose day care settings with limited
staff turnover and mature baby-sitters who are likely
to care for your child over time.
- Encourage children to explore their environments.
For example, even if you are scared of insects, allow
your child to touch them and hide your squeamishness.
While keeping your child in sight, let her wander
away from you a little and explore on her own. This
helps build independence and self-confidence. Praise
her for playing by herself.
- Provide social opportunities such as playing with
other children. Praise your child for sharing, taking
turns, gentleness, and so forth.
- If your child responds to aggressive behavior from
another child by acting aggressively such as by hitting
or biting, give clear reprimands with reasons such
as "Stop hitting. Hitting hurts. When you're mad at
your friends, you must get up and leave. Later, talk
with your child about different ways to handle difficult
situations, such as asking for help, saying "I'm not
going to play with you right now", or leaving the
group. If a specific toy is causing trouble, "time
out the toy" by removing it until children are ready
to take turns.
- Don't hit, bite or hurt your child as a way of "showing
him how it feels". Talk about it instead preferably
later when your child is calmer. Ask questions such
as "Has anyone ever hit you? How did you feel?" How
do you think your friend felt when you hit her? Do
you think he felt like you?"
- If several children in a group are behaving poorly,
remove them to a chair on the "sidelines" and let
them know that this behavior is not acceptable. And
that they can return to the group when they.......(give
clear guidance for the kind of behavior you want to
see). Or say, "I can't let you be around your friends
when you act like that, even if they are doing it
too. Sit here until you are ready to....."(again giving
clear directions for desired behavior).
- Use role playing to teach new social skills. For
example, "Let's practice saying hello to people when
you come into a room..."
- Talk about feelings and help your child understand
words that describe emotions.
- If your child is shy or clingy, prepare him in advance
for separations, "In a few minutes we will get to
school and I will be dropping you off." Give him encouragement
that he will be able to survive without you, "I know
you will have a wonderful day and you will do fine
without me." Let your child know when you will be
back using daily activities to help your child understand
time concepts. "I will be back to get you after snack
time." Then drop your child off quickly even if he
is crying. It will stop.
- Don't label your child. Don't let him hear you say,
"He's shy", or "He's bossy". He will only try to live
up to this expectation. Let him know he can be anything
he wants to be.
- Praise your child for getting along with others
and for handling difficult social situations. This
will help her try these desirable behaviors again
in the future.
- Set a good example. Point out to your child when
you have shared things with your friends, taken turns,
helped out and so forth.
National Toll Free Numbers for Parent
Support Groups and Parenting Info
Family Support
Al-Anon & Alatten Family Group Headquarters
1-800-356-9996
Referral service and self-help groups
Alcohol & Drug Helpline
1-800-821-4357
Referral service
American Association of Mental Retardation
1-800-424-3688
Support Services
Attention Deficit Disorder Assocation
1-800-487-2282
Peer support with parents' death, divorce separation
Banana Splits
1-800-359-0961
Information on preschool visually impaired children
Blind Children's Center
1-800-222-3566
Referrals and Support Groups
Drug Abuse Information and Treatment Referral Line
1-800-662-4357
Information and resources on domestic violence
Family Violence Prevention Fund
1-800-313-1310
Chemical dependence and related addictive behavior
Hazelden Foundation
1-800-257-7800
Network for those involved in parenting
National Association of Mother's Centers
1-800-645-3828
Information on family support groups
National Clearinghouse on Family Support and Children's
Mental Health
1-800-628-1696
Referrals to local affiliates and support groups
National Council on Alcoholism - Drug Dependence
1-800-622-2255
Referrals on community services, support groups and
hot lines
National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence
1-800-222-2000
Information on symptoms and support groups
National Foundation for Depressive Illness
1-800-248-4344
National Mental Health Association
1-800-969-6642
Information and Referral
National Runaway Hotline
1-800-HIT-HOME
National Runaway and Suicide Hotline
1-800-621-4000
Youth and parents drug issues, runaways, message relays,
any problem
Nineline
1-800-999-9999
Information and referrals on prevention and treatment
of child abuse
Parents' Anonymous
1-800-421-0353
Support group for single parents
Parents without Partners
1-800-637-7974
Eating Disorders treatment programs
Rader Institute
1-800-255-1818
Dealing with out of control teen behavior
Substance Abuse Treatment Referral and Information Service
1-800-262-2463
Tough Love International
1-800-333-1069 |
Updated 12/31/07 |
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